Roxy
by Nobody 08
Summary: Sandy's got a secret, but when it becomes public, Bikini Bottom doesn't quite understand a few things......


**I do not own Spongebob, or even my own pair of Squarepants. I could imagine how uncomfortable that would be.**

**WRITTEN AS A SCREENPLAY**

Sp Spongebob

S Sandy

G Gary

... You get the point.

**(theme song)**

**(Generic sea floor shots)**

**Narrator: **There are many strange mysteries awaiting us on the ocean floor, one example being a city of undersea creatures, called Bikini Bottom. **(Screen shows a picture of a real bikini bottom) **Umm... not quite. **(Shows the city of Bikini Bottom from a bird's eye view) **Ah, here we are. Many of the critters are quite well mannered,** (Close up on the outside of Spongebob's pineapple)** but there is one who lives in this city who may remain a mystery, for a loooooong time...

**(Gary slithers up to Spongebob's bedroom doorway, while things are flying out)**

**Sp: **GAAARRYY!! It's that time of day again!!

**G: **Meow?

**Sp: (Off screen) **No, I already wore my clown shoes today.

**G:** Meow.

**Sp: **No, the fruit pants dance is tomorrow. It's time for... **(Leaps into the scene in his Mermaidman outfit) **the NEW new adventures of Mermaidman and BarnacleMAN! **(Camera cuts to Spongebob flying down his stairway... and failing. Then him walking with Gary to the TV)**

**Sp: **They finally officially changed the name of the show since the whole Every Villain Is Lemons thing.**(turns on TV)** I'm so excited! **(sits on recliner)**

**TV:** That's right, it's the same adventures that you know and love, but Barnacle Boy is now Barnacle... MAN! In today's episode, the return of the pickle jar!

**Sp: (excited) **Oh, oh, oohh!! That pickle jar almost beat them last time. If they hadn't teamed up with Rob, the Superneighbor, it would have WON!.

**(loud knocking on Spongebob's front door causes him to look up)**

**Sp: **I wonder who that could be. (**Gets up and opens door)**

**At the door is Sandy, and a darker female squirrel, in an identical diving suit, except her helmet flower is red, rather than pink. **Sandy's** facial expression shows extreme worry. **

**Sp:** Sandy! **(delighted)** Come on in! **(He moves, and Sandy and the darker squirrel come in, and Sandy is instantly relived when the door is closed)**

**Sp: (sees Sandy's relief) **What's up, Sandy?

**Darker Squirrel: (does not have a Texan accent) **Are you Spongebob?

**Sp: **Yes.

**S:** Spongebob, this is Roxine. Roxine... Spongebob.

**R: (offers her hand to Spongebob) **Hi.

**Sp: (smiles and shakes hand)**

**R: **Are you watching Mermaidman?

**Sp:** Yeah, it's my favorite show!

**R:(scans Spongebob's costume) **I can tell. And, you know I haven't been here long, but... **(retracts her arm from her sleeve to hold a Mermaidman insignia necklace inside her helmet) **it's mine too.

Did you see the pickle jar episode?

**Sp: **Of course! It's supposed to come back today.

**R: **Oooooo...

**S:** (**laughs lightly) **I guess I have a thing for geeks...

**(Sandy and Roxine brightly smile at each other) **

**G: (comes into his own close up) **Meow.

**Sp: **Roxine, this is my pet snail, Gary.

**R: (bends down and pets Gary) **Well hey there, Gary.

**G: **Meow.

**Sp: **Yes, I _was_ going to make sure that Sandy's okay. In fact, I was going to try again on asking what's wrong. **(crosses his arms and sticks his tongue out at Gary, then turns to Sandy)**

So what's going on?

**S: **Y'all mean ya haven't heard?

**Sp:** Haven't heard what?

**S: (very nervous) **Uh... well... Spongebob... I uhh... **(tugs at her diving suit collar) **I-I mean...uhh... Spongebob...

**Sp: (listening intently, says innocently) **Yes, Sandy?

**Sandy: (starts sweating)** Umm... uh... Spongebob, um... Roxine and I... we... umm...** (looks up as she realizes that her sweat has filled her helmet, and uses her flushing lever)**

**R: (crosses her arms and shakes her head) **Look. **(changes the TV channel)**

**TV: ( a nerd fish in thick glasses and a pocket protector is in the middle of a commercial) –**you need is the brand-new electric-powered PET ROCK!!

**R: **Oops, I'm not quite used to the channels yet.

**SP: **I really DO need on of those.

**G: (jealous) **MEOW!!

**R: (shakes her head and changes the channel again)**

**TV newsfish: **For those of you just tuning in because you're not used to these channels, we're outside the residence of Mr. Spongebob Squarepants--

**Sp: (points) **Look, Gary, our house is on TV!

**TV:** -- because of the two female land squirrels that just entered his house. What is so special about these squirrels, you ask? Well, let's ask young Pearl, who claims to have accidentally been witness to something that is a first for Bikini Bottom...

**(The TV cuts to a shot of Pearl in the doorway of Mr. Krabs' house.)**

**Pearl (on the TV**): I'm pretty sure they're a couple. I was walking by Sandy's treedome when I saw them up in their tree, through the window. **(grins, and happily says) **They were actually REALLY cute together! I hope they stay--

**(The TV cuts back to the newsfish)**

**TV: **I can only imagine how shocked and confused young Pearl feels. How the public feels? Only time will tell.

**Sp: (turns off the TV, seeming ticked off) **Well, who cares if you guys feel better around each other rather than men. As far as I'm concerned, you two are just as good a couple as any. Sandy, you're still one of my best friends, I can't just cast you aside because you have a girlfriend, that I honestly want to know better. Roxine, you might not be as close to me as Sandy is, but you both are welcome to stay here until this whole thing blows over.

**R: (looking at Sandy)** Wow. He really does understand.

**S:** **(returning eye contact) **I told ya he would.

**R:** Well, you can't blame me for having my doubts when you told me that he has a red tie collection...

**Sp: (proudly) **Which I take pride in! See? **(pulls out a tie, flips it, and on the back it says "Made in the Coral Sea" on the tie loop, upside down)** This one's from the Great Barrier Reef.

**(Sandy and Roxy turn to each other and weakly smile at each other in the mutual understanding that there will never be a dull moment with the unsolvable Spongebob)**

**(Bubblecut to next day)**

**SCENE: Spongebob, Sandy, and Roxine are all standing around Spongebob's doorway, inside the house. Spongebob is wearing his Krusty Krab hat with his spatula in hand.**

**Sp:** I know this whole thing is affecting the public, but I still have to go to work.

**S**: We understand, Spongebob. Just be careful.

**Sp: **Don't worry, I'll be fine. **( goes through the door as Sandy and Roxy exchange a concerned expression)**

**(Bubblecut to the Krusty Krab)**

**SCENE: Spongebob walks into the Krusty Krab, and the tables and amount of customers are normal, but as soon as Squidward sees Spongebob, he looks panicked.**

**Sq:** MR. KRABS, HE'S HERE!!

**Mr. Krabs comes into the scene from the kitchen, standing in the doorway in a white apron with red lettering that says...**

**Sp: **'KISS THE COOK'

**Random customer: (bitterly)** I'll bet you would.

**Sp: (confused and slightly hurt) **What?

**Mr. Krabs does his nervous smile with lots of sweat and pulls Spongebob into the kitchen.**

**Sp:** Mr. Krabs, why did he say that? I've never kissed anyone other than my mom and Granny.

**K: (looking nervous) **Well, Spongeboy, me bob, since your friends have been on the news, everyone knows that they're at your house now, and so... well, it's a guilty by association, boy, understand that.

**Sp: **What?

**At that moment, Squidward sticks his head through the little window. **

**Sq:** **(looking peeved) **What he's trying to say, Spongebob, is that these people are barnacle heads that think that because you're friends with a couple who is not boy-girl, that you prefer men as well.

**Sp: **Well, even if I did, would it matter?

**Sq: **To me, no, but to these people... Look at them Spongebob.

**Spongebob and Mr. Krabs look at the customers through the little window, and sees most of them glaring at Spongebob.**

**Sq: **These people make me sick. Some of the greatest artists had relationships that were like Sandy and her girlfriend. What these people don't understand is that we're just making a big deal out of nothing.

**Sp:** **(still looking through the window) **Look again, Squidward.

**Squidward looks again at the customers, and most of them have gone back to their food.**

**Sq:** Well, it looks like they aren't completely lost.

**K: **Well, I'll say. They aren't even paying attention to us anymore.

**Sp: (points through the window) **Except that guy.

**The camera gives a shot of a customer giving the staff a funny face (like, using his fingers to pull his mouth, funny face) **

**K: **Huh. Well, ain't he funny.

**The camera suddenly sets on Spongebob, who thinks, and then looks very determined**

**Sq: (looking confused) **Spongebob?

**Sp: (suddenly looks up at Squidward) **I know what I have to do! **(runs to the door)**

**K: **Spongebob!

**Sp: (has the door open, but stops to say) **Don't try to stop me, Mr Krabs. I know how to fix all this!

**Spongebob leaves through the door as Mr. Krabs and Squidward exchange a confused glance **

**(Bubblecut to in front of Spongebob's house)**

**SCENE: Sandy, Roxine, and Spongebob (in his normal attire) are all in front of Spongebob's house. Sandy and Roxine are confused, looking at Spongebob as he holds his fixed duel gaze in the street's direction. (play western draw theme)**

**S:** Spongebob, what exactly are we going here?

**Sp: (unmoving, with a concentrated tone) **Attracting the media.

**R: **Well, I think someone has to move for that to happen.

**Sp: (squints) **Or even better...

**Spongebob springs out of his pants and begins running in circles, shouting random gibberish.**

**The news vans immediately pull up, surrounding our three characters.**

**One female reporterfish steps up while Spongebob is still doing his thing.**

**Reporter: **It seems Mr. Squarepants has finally been driven to insanity by the--

**Sp: (stops suddenly) **WAIT!! **(walks over to the reporter and says into the microphone she's holding) **I haven't! I was doing that to get your attention.

**Reporter: (intrigued) **Why is that Mr. Squarepants?

**Sp:** Because I understand.

**Reporter: **Understand what? Does it have something to do with...

**Sp: **Do you have a boyfriend?

**The reporterfish shares a entertained glance with the cameraman**

**Reporter: **Well, fiance, actually, but...

**Sp: **Do you really care about him?

**Reporter: (a little offended) **Of course I do!

**Sp: **How much?

**Reporter: **Almost too much. I still don't see--

**Sp: **May I? **(gestures at the microphone)**

**Reporter: **Sure. **(hands the microphone over) **

**Sp: **How many of you watching have a special someone? The only difference between them **(points to Sandy and Roxine, who are holding hands and looking very nervous) **and you **(points at the camera)** is one gender, and even that shouldn't matter.** (shot switch to behind Spongebob, showing him still in his undies, all the cameras, and the crowds that have now gathered)** They're feelings are the same, and you all should...** (switch back to Spongebob's face, which has suddenly become sickly) **should... oh, noooooooooooooo... **(Spongebob passes out)**

**Roxine and Sandy rush to his side**

**R: (holding Spongebob, examining him) **He must have overexerted himself, doing all that on all those cameras.

**S: (concerned and shocked)** In his underwear, no less.

**R: (looks up at the crowd and points**) Hey, who's that guy?

**All the cameras look where Roxine pointed, and see the customer from before, making a different funny face, dead at Spongebob and his friends.**

**The shot cuts to Squidward watching the news at work**

**Sq: **What is with that guy?

**The scene returns to Sandy, Roxine, and the fainted Spongebob. For a moment, no one knows what to do next, but then Sandy looks over at Roxine, who is holding up a very unconscious Spongebob. She then flashes the determination that Spongebob showed earlier, and quickly grabs the microphone from under the hand of the reporterfish, and continues casually:**

**S: (continuing Spongebob's sentence) **...And y'all should know that love from one being to another is the same, no matter who ya are. So maybe your guys' view on me is a little awkward now, but I'm really still the same ol' Sandy. **(Sandy turns, smiling, to offer her hand to Roxine. Roxine gently releases Spongebob and joins Sandy in front of the camera, taking her hand.) **And in time, I think y'all'll come ta terms.

**Bubblecut**

**SCENE: Sandy, Roxine, Spongebob, and Gary are all gathered in Spongebob's house, right at the door.**

**Sp: **I'm glad that you can go home again Sandy, but I have to say that you two have been just about the best guests I've ever had in my house.

**G: **Meow.

**Sp: **That's right Gary. I'll never invite a jellyfish into my house again.

**R: (condescending) **You've had a jellyfish... as a guest?

**S: (opens the door) **Roxy, somethin' you should know about Spongebob...

**The camera angle changes to show Sandy and Roxy walking away from Spongebob's house**

Is that he will never be understood.


End file.
